AAAAAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

you know, i go to inten everyday to study. i do it because i really want to study, i want to pass UMB, i really do. but i guess people really really don't know what i'm feeling right now. i know when we want something we need to try to the max, i know that. but i think i did that already for simak UI. and i don't know how to do it again. at inten i am very excited to study. but at home i feel tired and hopeless and don't know what to do. i don't continue studying because there is a part of me that telling me is not worth it.
i believe in miracle before but i don't know if i believe it now. i don't doubt Allah at all. i still believe Allah can do anything for us. but the thing is i prayed to Allah everyday before simak, and the result was not what i accepted. i was crushed, i was depressed. and now i have to take the test again but im scared because i cannot deal with myself if i fail. and what makes it worst is that i really really miss my friends. i want to meet them. i want to talk them and i want to laugh